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Dogwood

The Old Man and the Turkey Woods

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Dogwood

By Billy Jeff Hemmingway

 

It had been a hard day at work.  And a long day.  It had been a long day and a hard day.  The Old Man wanted to go home after work but it had been a long hard day so he drove past some turkey spots to chill.  He drove by Henry's farm and the Big Tom was strutting in the far corner of the cut corn. The Old Man wanted to talk to the Big Tom but Henry would not give him permission.  So the Old Man went to the property next door where he had permission.  He pulled in to the ramshackle farmstead and parked his car.  It was a good car, the Old Man's Subaru.  People make fun of Subarus but the Old Man did not care because he was 58 and when you're 58 you don't give a sh*t what people think.  So the Old Man loved being 58. He got out of the car and the Old Man put on his turkey clothes.  They were good turkey clothes. He reached for his Old Parker Hammergun that some dummy left at the Old Man's home when he bought it and he thought some day he would like to whack a turkey with the Old Parker.  He walked up the old trail to the hilltop next to Henry's farm.  It had a nice plateau where the Old Man thought he might talk to the Big Tom.  The Old Man found a big tree with a big view of the big woods and sat down. The big sky was pewter with no wind and nice and cool but not cold.  It was a nice cool so Big Tom might talk tonight.  The Old man got out his box call a gave a few yelps.  Nothing.  So the Old Man got out his iphone and fingered the shiny glass.  He liked to finger the shiny glass and see girls.  After 25 minute of seeing the girls the Old Man scratched the turkey box. A distant gobble.  The Old Man knew not to scratch the box too often to make the Big Tom look hard.  After another 10 minutes he called again and now the Big Tom  gobbled loudly so the Old Man knew he was coming.  He was coming for love.  The Big Tom was in Big Love and he gobbled loudly on his own.  The Old Man thought less than 50 yds but he could not see the Big Tom.  Then silence.  The Old Man cocked the hammer on the Old Parker.  Statue still, he saw the Big Tom's head to the right at 15 yards, motionless, but erect and resplendent red in the gloaming.  The Old Man liked the word gloaming.  Be he liked whacking a turkey better.  The Big Tom lowered his head and started to walk across the front of the Old Man.  The Old Man could see his very long beard and nearly soiled his good turkey clothes.  When the Old Tom walked behind a good tree the Old Man lifted his Old Parker Lifter to his old shoulder.  The Old Tom cleared the big tree and the Old Man leveled the bead where the feathers meet the red white and blue neck.  The Old Man squeezed the trigger like his old man never taught him because his old man did not hunt.  But he was a good old man and he had loved him.  WHAMMO  the Old Man's Old Parker barked and the Old Tom dropped like a sack of old you-know-what.  The Old Tom fluttered a bit and then he croaked for good.  The Old Man gathered up the Old Tom and and walked back to his Subaru and drove home to his Old Wife but he never called her his Old Wife because she would not speak to him for 3 days when he did so and so sometimes that was good.  22 pounds, 9 1/2" beard, 1 " spurs.  The End . Lucky for you bub.

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dogrunner

Good job "OLD MAN"  nice bird with a nice Old gun. 

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Brad Eden

That was awesome, but I'm gonna be 59 in a couple weeks and I'm no Old Man. Great story, funny as hell too.

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salmontogue

Great story.  Corey Ford would be proud of you, exhibiting his signature grin around the ever-present pipe and with single raised eyebrow.  How would I know this, you are wondering?  He was my professor at Dartmouth many years ago and I was fortunate to have been invited to hunt with him over his Setters.  Priceless memories.

 

Perk

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polecat

Good on the Old one.

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Natty Bumpo

CONGRATS. Excellent story about a Michigan gobbler, looking for love,  whose time was up. First pic is much nicer than the second.

 

PS. Reminds me of a story from "The Old Man and the Boy". BUT don't give up your day job bc/ Robert Ruark you ain't.

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co_setter

I love a happy ending

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Dogwood
8 hours ago, Natty Bumpo said:

CONGRATS. Excellent story about a Michigan gobbler, looking for love,  whose time was up. First pic is much nicer than the second.

 

PS. Reminds me of a story from "The Old Man and the Boy". BUT don't give up your day job bc/ Robert Ruark you ain't.

 It's supposed to remind you of a cheezy Poppa Hem short story.  Geez.  I changed it up for ya pops.

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studdog

Nice true story.  I thought you were going to pass up the Tom because your MAMA was getting out of prison that day!  George

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Dogwood
5 hours ago, studdog said:

Nice true story.  I thought you were going to pass up the Tom because your MAMA was getting out of prison that day!  George

Momma's a lifer

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grousehunter 61

OLD ONE !!! dang your just a kid, nice bird, great beard...... 

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gunsrus

Nice job kid . 

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Cooter Brown

Excellent.

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hayslope

I enjoyed that!

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mister grouse

?

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