Jump to content
REGISTERING FOR MEMBERSHIP ON UPLAND JOURNAL Read more... ×
Dave Erickson

Cold weather comic relief (Got any dumb jokes?)

Recommended Posts

ccavacini

50310011_1630618960405067_6773920856159551488_n.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Birdcountry70

Why did the 3-legged dog saddle up his horse and ride into town?   He was looking for the man that shot his Paw.🐎

Not even Buzzkill Brad could object to that one!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
john mcg

Entering a small country store, a stranger spotted a sign saying "Beware of the dog". He looked around but all he could see was a harmless old dog lying fast asleep on the floor next to the counter. 
       
      The stranger said to the store manager: "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" 
       
      "Yep." 
       
      "Well, he doesn't look dangerous to me. Why did you put the sign up?" 
       
      "Cos people kept tripping over him."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
topdog1961

A silly cold weather joke. You may have heard it here before, but I got old man syndrome:

 

Daddy bird, mommy bird and baby bird were side by side on a telephone wire. A bitter cold November wind howled so strong that they each had their head down and their wings folded over it. Daddy bird looked up and said "My instincts tell me it's time to fly south for the winter."  Mommy bird looks up and says "My instincts tell me it's time to fly south for the winter too."  Baby bird looked up and said "My end stinks too, but it ain't telling me anything."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
rudyc

It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'

'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'

'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
 
‘The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting tons of firewood'

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
rudyc

There was a retired gentleman that wanted a part time job because he was interested in staying busy, so he applied at the local Walmart. After getting the job, the first day he was 10 minutes late, and the young 20 year old manager asked him to please be on time. The next day, he was 15 minutes late, and the young manager asked him”you are late again, and as a veteran, I thought you would be prompt and on time”  the old gentleman said he would try harder. The third day, he showed up 20 minutes late, and the manager was quite upset “what did they say to you in the military when you were 20 minutes late?” The old man answered “Good morning General, would you like your coffee now?”.....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
PartridgeCartridge

A blonde walks into a bar and says "ouch"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dave Erickson

Hear about the streaker in church last Sunday?

 

They caught him by the organ.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
rudyc

image.png.1cd62d029f2a4f7e9e2fd9ec0d6e2ff6.png

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
kadehippy

A brunette goes to the doctor and says doctor I don't know whats wrong with me . Every place I touch on my whole body it hurts something awful. The Doctor says show me and sure enough  every place she touches she cries out in pain .  The Doctor looks at her and. says your not really a brunette are you ?   She says no I dye my hair I'am really a blonde . Doctor says I thought so    Your finger is broken

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Felix

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?  Because with pterodactyls, the "P" is silent.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
max2

you know what a wock is ....... a thing you throw at a wabbit...😀

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
bruski

Post modern version.

A priest, a rabbi and a nun walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says "What is this, a joke?."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dakota Dogman

Why do gorillas have such big noses?

 

Have you ever seen the size if their fingers?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
oak stob

A deer hunter got down on his hands and knees for a closer look at some tracks.......that's when the train hit him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×