Jump to content
MUSTANGER7

I MUST JUST BE A HARD NOSED OLD GUY DUMPING MY BUCKET?

Recommended Posts

MUSTANGER7

My wife goes up to Macon for the christening of her great granddaughter this past weekend, I passed on the trip as I will not go any place where I'm totally ignored (as is my wife) with the acception of her grandson and the step grandmother who are very nice. My wife goes an either stays in a hotel or in this cased with the step grandmother, her son does not invite his mother to stay at his home, in all the trips we've made up there he never invited us to stay there and since she's been going alone he hasn't either so don't think its me. He's an attorney and not hardly starving, flunked out of his own practice so now he's a county guy, wife well employed also with school system. In the ten years my wife and I have been together he has only called her once, sent card etc for Mothers Day, birthday, Valinties Day, Christmas etc, he called her this year for her birthday.  The only time he has spoken to me was at the granddaughters wedding it was formal so I had on a tux, he comes over to me and says he needs a favor, the grooms tux did not come with a bow tie, he needed to borrow mine, I gave it to him as I had two more back at the hotel (would have anyways), I never got a hey thanks - kiss my butt from anyone (nor did I get it back) but for the grandson who is a great guy.

 

Wife comes home frustrated, tell her I can't understand why she puts up with it? My three two daughters and son get alone well with her call and text her often, she goes shopping with my girls and often they call her for her opinion rather than their mom. As a side note she tells me that when she was staying with the step grandmother she was told that the granddaughter wanted a baby shower but it cost to much so she asked the step grandmother to pay for it, this woman is on SS mostly and could not afford the $2500 but would chip in $1000, later the granddaughter decided to not have the shower and instead would just take the $1000, just can't get my head around this, great way to make a grand!  I would have been off the social list a long time ago and would have raised hell with my kids if they had ever acted this way in the slightest.

 

Question is it just me, am I out of date, strange etc, having a hard time with this and its caused issues with the wife also.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
SelbyLowndes

personal relations tip #1:  Stay out of the in-laws family problems.  Any opinion you have is worthless and will just cause you grief.

personal relations tip #2:  Don't post your wife's family business on the internet.  It all becomes your fault then.

Any other advice you get here is just a trap to get you in more trouble...SelbyLowndes

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
RookieEP

Truly sociopath behavior 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
steveziv

Sounds like she has users, ingrates and good people all mixed up in the extended family.  Like most Moms/Grandma's she's at the disadvantage of not being able to say "hell with 'em", like you and I.  :)

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Canuck

Be glad you have a "good" reason/excuse for bowing out. Do something good instead. Winner, winner...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
strato-caster

One of the most valuable life's lessons I have learned is to not be around people who don't want to be around you, relatives included. Luckily I learned that fairly early on in adulthood, and have been blessed with great friends and colleagues who take up the slack. When I get together with my favorite friends and relatives and hear about all the crap and chaos (and the money I have saved by not making loans or lending things that will never be returned ) I have missed by not being around those other folks they are still in contact with, I just smile and am glad I don't need to put up with it any more. Very liberating! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
frak

well,now, mustanger7, you came to the right place.  Just pull up that chair over there.  What'll you have?  If UJ can't cure those ills, why then, they are not worth curing.  we can tell you what choke to use, what food to feed your dog, and whatever you want to know about what to do about your brother-in-law.

 

(just adding some humor.  I hope you receive it in the same spirit it's sent! family issues are tough, and I truly wish you all the best)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
WPG Gizmo

Inlaws and Outlaws why is it that some family's get along so good and others don't I am sorry that your wife has to put up with this crap from extended family there is no reason for it.

 

My Curmudgeonly advice is to hell with them  if that is the way they act then I would not involve myself with them. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Brad Eden

I stopped trying to figure out people and family long ago. My in laws and my BIL and SIL's are all nice enough people, but they still make me nuts, and I can't breathe the same air for very long. So there is that. I am on speaking terms with two of my brothers, the other brother and sister not so much. Lots of family dysfunction that lingers, even after the death of parents. Again, I've reached out, but have accepted that life and family relationships are sketchy no matter what you do. We are blessed with two daughters who actually like us and want to spend time with us. 

 

IMG_1265.JPG

 

My oldest daughter and some homeless Grouse bum she met on the beach...last weekends visit...I get the most out of the coats I buy..

 

So, enjoy the small pleasures of family when and if you can.

 

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Crazy Horse

" .I get the most out of the coats I buy.. "

 

Damn, and I thought that was a photo right out of GQ!!!

 

As for advice for Mustanger, well all I can say and/or advise is keep your comments to yourself and love your lady. She probably hurts more than she says.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Randy S

My wife has a couple of people in her family who are intentionally mean. I typically enjoy accomanying her when they'll be present. My wife and her normal family avoid any confrontation with the pair. But something in my reputation has convinced everyone that I will not tolerate rude behavior. It's amazing how the offensive express kindness when I look them in the eye. Annoys my wife when on the ride home I say, "They seem friendly enough to me.". 

 

When I was young and generous, everyone I met started out as a 10. As I got to know them better, most worked their way down the scale. I'm sure I was in free fall on many acquantinces scales as well. I tend to divide people into three groups; friends, tolerable or intolerable. Family has little to do with it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
canvasback

Sometimes, people are just bullies. And bullies take it out on those weaker than they are.

 

By the time I got to know my ex-wife's family, I knew I was marrying her. They lived a distance away. What I found out was they might be politely described as being from "the wrong side of the tracks". That's being generous. I believe my wife to be was trying to distance herself from that environment as much as possible. I have many stories about them.

 

Around that time my soon to be MIL took up was a man who was a retired architect and who had a considerable net worth compared to her. Soon they were living together in his lovely home on a beautiful lake (Lake of Bays for anyone who knows Ontario). But he was also an alcoholic. It was clear to me there was a power imbalance between my weak MIL and this guy. One of the very first times my wife and I went up and stayed the weekend, his daughter (who was close in age to my wife) was also there. A lovely woman who was also bullied by her father. My wife's younger sister was there as well. I was the only man besides our host.

 

It was Canadian Thanksgiving and during the big meal, the man got a little upset about something (too much to drink already) and called his daughter the C word. At the table! My MIL acted normally as did His daughter, as if this was an everyday occurrence but my wife and I were shocked beyond words.

 

Once I had digested what had happened and thought for a minute about my MIL situation, I said "If you ever speak that way to any woman in this house again, I'm going to drag you outside and beat the Sh** out of you. Now apologize to your daughter."  He did. He never spoke like that again in my presence and if anything, I think it made him like me. It also earned me the undying gratitude of his daughter, my MIL and my SIL.

 

Bullies do what they can get away with. A******s are a******s. Life's too short to put up with them. Even when they are kin.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mike da Carpenter

Everyone has their issues, and their ways of dealing with them.  My advice is to do whatever it takes to make your wife happy, as she will definitely appreciate that in the long run.

 

My first inclination when I want to open my mouth is “do I want that crap on my shoes?”.  As I age, I’m figuring out that I like nice clean shoes 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Zkight89

Long story short, my in laws don't have a pot to piss in, think I'm the biggest POS in the universe for taking their meal ticket ( my wife and our oldest son) away and generally hate my guts. 

 

 They try very hard to manipulate my wife and constantly play games with her emotions.  Often times slinging mud my way is the preferred route.  In these matters I tend to take the high road and support my Wife, it makes for better peace of mind all the way around.  A person won't deal with a toxic relationship because you tell them to, they have to notice it and change it on their own. 

 

 Only thing that drags me into it is when they undermine my Wife or my parental authority. That won't be tolerated and everyone involved knows where my line is on the matter and the consequences for dancing on it. 

  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
SelbyLowndes
1 hour ago, Randy S said:

But something in my reputation has convinced everyone that I will not tolerate rude behavior.

 

...SelbyLowndes

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×