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Fart stories....


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This is great, the dogs are staring at me because I'm laughing so damn hard.  Keep 'em coming!  I'll add a few of my own here:

First a most recent one, I was involved but the perpetrator was my sweet daughter Carmella.  This was about a year ago now:

Once I was giving her a bottle at the day care center before I left with her because she was due.  Well another father I hadn't met before came in and sat in the chair next to me to give his son a bottle as well.  Well after a minute or two, little Melly just tore one off, without apology.  If she hadn't been wearing a diaper (muffler) it probably would have blow out the windows.  Worst part was it was loud enough that no one would believe it came from the baby.  Well, to this day Mr. Other Dad gives me funny looks...

The night I asked Carol to marry me (she said yes, which makes me question her judgment, anyhoo) the first place we went was to my uncle's house.  He's my best friend and was the best man in the wedding.  We go in and my aunt greets us and her and Carol do the check out the ring thing and then we go downstairs to tell my uncle and he's on the sofa watching TV so we tell him and she shows him the ring and he says "That's great"  Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiippppppppppppp   About 4 seconds later I start dry heaving.....I was ready to take him to the hospital as I was sure he was dying from the inside out.

I went to college with a great bunch of guys, some who were champions of wind breaking and we never held 'em during class.  One day in an electronics class the professor was a the board drawing a circuit and he said "where should I put this resistor?"  I responded if on cue with a total ripper, which was hilarious in it's own right but what really made it awesome was, without missing a beat, the prof said "no, I can't put it there"  The class was pretty much over at that point...

There was the night too that we were at a place called Jillian's.  It's a bowling alley/arcade place that has like 3 restaurant areas and 3 bars scattered throughout.  We ate at the crappy Japanese Hibachi restaurant they had there and about 30 minutes later we were standing around complaining the the lines at the bar in the arcade were so long and you couldn't get near it.  We'll as luck would have it I was granted some super power that evening and unleashed what I now refer to as Habachi's Revenge on the bar area, we had no problems getting drinks for quite awhile.  I definitely tainted the area.  The only bad part was we were in mixed company and with friends of friends who were not amused and I was trying to keep a low profile and look just as offended as everyone else until after the third salvo Carol looked at me with a grimacing face, punched me in stomach, and yelled "knock if off A-hole"

Take care,

Jim

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Years back when my wife and I started dating we were out for a brisk walk when she broke "first wind". She stepped up the curb and apparently "couldn't hold it in". I quickly made like I was duck hunting, looking around and pretending I was holding a shotgun. We both laughed. The area we were walking in was called Northlake and now whenever some one drops one it's called a "Northlake Wooduck".
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I once took my beautiful bride of one month on a wonderful October canoe trip down the river.  We camped, fished, waded in the shallows, and drank in the beautiful fall colors.  It was a perfect weekend.

All this time I was just about to explode.  A fart would well up and I'd have to make an excuse to beach the canoe and wander off a ways to defoliate a section of riverbank.

Finally we were loading up the canoe and getting ready to return home.  I'd done all the work and was tired and didn't feel like retreating off to commence firing, so I just said, "Hell, I don't feel like holding it any longer," and I thundered off a great and resounding fart.  She jumped, got a shocked expression, and then laughed herself silly for about 10 minutes.  

The honeymoon was officially over at that point.

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I've never been one to be shy about "passing gas." After 22 years of marriage, my wife still comments that, "she can't believe I ripped one on our very first date." Although I don't remember it, I'm surprised it was only one!
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after the third salvo Carol looked at me with a grimacing face, punched me in stomach, and yelled "knock if off A-hole"

Hey, at least she wasn't blaming you.

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after the third salvo Carol looked at me with a grimacing face, punched me in stomach, and yelled "knock if off A-hole"

Hey, at least she wasn't blaming you.

LOL....

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Hmm, Mooney and Combs playing tag team on the fart thread.

Why am I not shocked?

Well with our exceptional wit and dashing good looks it's easy to see we were cut from the same (cheese) cloth.

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northern_hunting_mom

The farts that always make my day are not mine. They're my dog's. I just wish she wouldn't let loose with the biological warfare when the lights are out and.......

talk about a mood breaker.

Whenever I'm pissed at Loren, I eat celery.

Right before the lights go out and......

talk about a mood breaker.

And BTW, I'm too redneck. If the dog farts, I claim it.

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One day, two of my older brothers walked into one of the old drug store lunch counters, sat down and were waiting to order. Then, one lets go with a real ripe one. Just as the smell started to catch the attention of the other patrons, the offending brother looks at the other and says, GEEZS! Then gets up and walks out, leaving the innocent brother sitting red-faced at the counter.
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One day, two of my older brothers walked into one of the old drug store lunch counters, sat down and were waiting to order. Then, one lets go with a real ripe one. Just as the smell started to catch the attention of the other patrons, the offending brother looks at the other and says, GEEZS! Then gets up and walks out, leaving the innocent brother sitting red-faced at the counter.

NICE!!  I love doing the "lay the stink, lay the blame" routine.  It's priceless.

Jim

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