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caleb

Why do you live where you live?

Why do you live where you live?  

  1. 1. Why do you live where you live?

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Dick Sellers
I settled in central Montana.  No where else in the world I'd rather be.

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Virgil Kane

I also have lived here most of my life. I hate it here and I hate IL for what it has turned into. My problem is ghosts from the past and leaving memories and spirits that have a hold on me. My brother and I were orphaned at a young age and when he died 30 years ago that left me as the last one standing. Going to the cemetery to keep an eye on my Mother, Father and two brothers grave sites along with 10 other aunts, uncles and grandparents at the same cemetery is a job that there is nobody else  to pass it off to. It's not my sons job nor is it my wife's job, they never knew these people and have only seen them in the few pictures I have of them and a few old stories told. No other family anywhere and few friends other than my wife and sons.

The loneliness of standing over those grave sites is agonizing even with my wife and kids with me.  Looking at the headstones is somehow soothing bringing back memories of when I was young and the thought of moving away is pushed in the back of my mind.  Every time I leave the cemetery it's almost as painful as if I had just lost them.

Some day I would like to move away,  my wife and I have been looking at places in northern Wisconsin. I know my family would understand but the thought of graves with nobody visiting is a sad and brutal reality that will happen some day whether I move or not.

I wasn't going to post this but it seems appropriate with some of the other honest reasons told. Sorry if it sounds morbid.

Virgil

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Jack L

I'm sorry for the position you feel you're in, but the grave site is just a piece of ground.  Your loved ones are alive every time you remember them.  

The memories of my dad and brother are with me every time I go pheasant hunting. The thought of my brother is with me every time I blow the hail call in the duck blind.

ImHO, if you want to move you should.  It doesn't mean you loved them any less.  Peace

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Brad Adrian
That is a great post Virgil. I haven't been to my hometown in years, as a matter of fact, the last time I was there was the day we planted my dad. When I was a kid, the whole family lived close to Cassville, Wi, my hometown. My little brother still lives a couple of mile from there, but not another relative within about a hundred miles. I guess I am kind of like the drifter in the quote from earlier in this thread. This morning I got a wedding invite from a much younger cousin. I have met him, but haven't seen him in many years, since he was a young kid. I think I will be heading to La Crosse for his wedding in September for his wedding. At almost 50 I feel the need to be closer to my people. I have been gone for over 30 years.

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High Mtn Hunter
I came out west from East Tennessee to ski while in college.  After one day in the Colorado resort town where I live now I thought, " that's it, I'm moving there."  I lived here every winter while in college, taking my girlfriend along with me, and went to school in the spring , summer and fall.  After graduation I moved out here year round and married that beautiful girl.  The first summer / fall I spent here let me know I would likely never leave or at least never leave the Rocky Mountain west.  I am surrounded by excellent trout streams.  I can have my raft in the water for a float trip in six minutes from my house.  I can see a number of excellent dusky grouse spots across the valley from my neighborhood. The skiing is still fantastic.  We still go to East Tennessee in the spring, which is our mud season, to visit family and enjoy that areas excellent trout fishing.  On top of all that, this is a excellent base from which to explore all the fantastic hunting and fishing in WY, ID, MT, ND, SD, KS etc.  Bird hunting, fly fishing and skiing are the three big passions in my life and I feel blessed to live where I do. Right behind marrying my wife and having our daughter, moving out west was the best decision of my life.

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mearnsman

I came out west from East Tennessee to ski while in college.  After one day in the Colorado resort town where I live now I thought, " that's it, I'm moving there."  I lived here every winter while in college, taking my girlfriend along with me, and went to school in the spring , summer and fall.  After graduation I moved out here year round and married that beautiful girl.  The first summer / fall I spent here let me know I would likely never leave or at least never leave the Rocky Mountain west.  I am surrounded by excellent trout streams.  I can have my raft in the water for a float trip in six minutes from my house.  I can see a number of excellent dusky grouse spots across the valley from my neighborhood. The skiing is still fantastic.  We still go to East Tennessee in the spring, which is our mud season, to visit family and enjoy that areas excellent trout fishing.  On top of all that, this is a excellent base from which to explore all the fantastic hunting and fishing in WY, ID, MT, ND, SD, KS etc.  Bird hunting, fly fishing and skiing are the three big passions in my life and I feel blessed to live where I do. Right behind marrying my wife and having our daughter, moving out west was the best decision of my life.

I live in WY in summer and AZ, TX in winter.

I too grew up in E. Tenn., and just fell in love with trout fishing, mostly "put and take" and occasionally some "holdovers" from the previous yrs'. stocking.  I moved to WY with a new wife and baby to pursue wild trout flyfishing.  You noticed I said new wife....Leave it.  I was just upholding and old Tennessee tradition.

IMO, If pursuing happiness does not pose a negative effect or hardship on others, then I would say go for it.  Pursue your dreams.  Today I'm 64 and yesterday I was 40.  Perception of time is fast post 40, real fast.  And you know what they say about perception.

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mnnimrod

I checked Other because I have many reasons why I am here. Grew up across river from Fargo Nd, Moorhead MN to be exact but everybody has heard of Fargo..

Didn't venture to far but literally bought a job 60 miles away and am still here after 35 years. Only felt like it was a job the last few but love the country here. I was only 26 at the time and started my upland bird hunting about that time not far from home. We have 1100 lakes and I only have to drive 90 minutes to prime ruff country. An hour to SD and 30 minutes to ND and have spent the last 30 years spending an average of 4 weeks each year hunting both plus all the spare time hunting ruffs in MN. Of course we are at the lake 25 minute drive  from home from May through October fishing  and golfing. Golf course is 2 miles from lake home with another course 8 miles away. So other then higher taxes in MN I don't think we have it to bad. I look at Boston with 5 feet of snow and look at the two inches we have this year and not to bad.  We do have years with a lot more snow,, one year with over 90 inches and it stays all winter so Unfortunately  we have two months left of winter and could find ourselves with 3 feet of snow before it is done but that's life. Little bad with a lot of good

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Chris Raymond
I also have lived here most of my life. I hate it here and I hate IL for what it has turned into. My problem is ghosts from the past and leaving memories and spirits that have a hold on me. My brother and I were orphaned at a young age and when he died 30 years ago that left me as the last one standing. Going to the cemetery to keep an eye on my Mother, Father and two brothers grave sites along with 10 other aunts, uncles and grandparents at the same cemetery is a job that there is nobody else  to pass it off to. It's not my sons job nor is it my wife's job, they never knew these people and have only seen them in the few pictures I have of them and a few old stories told. No other family anywhere and few friends other than my wife and sons.

The loneliness of standing over those grave sites is agonizing even with my wife and kids with me.  Looking at the headstones is somehow soothing bringing back memories of when I was young and the thought of moving away is pushed in the back of my mind.  Every time I leave the cemetery it's almost as painful as if I had just lost them.

Some day I would like to move away,  my wife and I have been looking at places in northern Wisconsin. I know my family would understand but the thought of graves with nobody visiting is a sad and brutal reality that will happen some day whether I move or not.

I wasn't going to post this but it seems appropriate with some of the other honest reasons told. Sorry if it sounds morbid.

Virgil

Virgil, I'll be blunt.  They're dead...live your life, not their deaths.

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Frank T

I checked work, although it's really my wife's job that brought us to Maine, as I can do my work anywhere.

We live outside of Bangor now, which is pretty nice, and there are more reasons than just work that we are likely to stay, especially now that we have kids.  Low crime, good access to the outdoors, decent public schools, etc.  

After 14 years in California, moving to central Maine was a big adjustment.  But it's been three years now, and we finally feel settled in.

It's really interesting to read the reasons people live where they do.  Great idea for a thread!

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WyomingArt

Virgil: I feel your tie to the land, your home town and

family history.

I buried my 99 yr old dad's ashes myself, backfilled the dirt and replaced the sod on a hot August morning, surrounded by cows and farms in an old country cemetery.  That hurt, but it helps the healing to start

I hope you can nourish yourself on the good memories of family and tradition and let  the hurt heal with time.

Pain happens through loss of loved ones, suffering is optional.

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Rockdoc

I also have lived here most of my life. I hate it here and I hate IL for what it has turned into. My problem is ghosts from the past and leaving memories and spirits that have a hold on me. My brother and I were orphaned at a young age and when he died 30 years ago that left me as the last one standing. Going to the cemetery to keep an eye on my Mother, Father and two brothers grave sites along with 10 other aunts, uncles and grandparents at the same cemetery is a job that there is nobody else  to pass it off to. It's not my sons job nor is it my wife's job, they never knew these people and have only seen them in the few pictures I have of them and a few old stories told. No other family anywhere and few friends other than my wife and sons.

The loneliness of standing over those grave sites is agonizing even with my wife and kids with me.  Looking at the headstones is somehow soothing bringing back memories of when I was young and the thought of moving away is pushed in the back of my mind.  Every time I leave the cemetery it's almost as painful as if I had just lost them.

Some day I would like to move away,  my wife and I have been looking at places in northern Wisconsin. I know my family would understand but the thought of graves with nobody visiting is a sad and brutal reality that will happen some day whether I move or not.

I wasn't going to post this but it seems appropriate with some of the other honest reasons told. Sorry if it sounds morbid.

Virgil

Virgil, I'll be blunt.  They're dead...live your life, not their deaths.

Virgil, my late wife/best friend and I had been married for nearly 38 years when cancer took her, we'd been together for nearly 42 years. It's been over three years since Gail died and I'm still dealing with her lose, however I work on it every day and I'm finally getting better. I know it's hard but Chris Raymond's words, though blunt, are very true. To aid in my own recovery I've had to adopt such a reality and I agree with Chris completely. I'm very fortunate in that years earlier Gail and I had a discussion about life and death (at the time we assumed it would be my death). We both agreed that if one of us died before the other that the survivor should move on with their life and not spend the rest of their days in mourning (easier said than done!). However, it's like Wyomingart said "Pain happens through loss of loved ones, suffering is optional."

Steve

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MTRookie76
I grew up in a sleepy little beach town on the west coast of FL. It was a great place to grow up but I never loved it. The first time I visited MT I was 13 yrs old, I loved it and knew one day I would live there, now I do.

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Sethh
I have lived here, basically, my whole life.

Our town hasn't changed much - the population has hovered around 3,000 for as long as I have been alive.  The county has fewer people than we did in the late 1800's.   .  I rather like that on a daily basis I run into people I have known my whole life,  Even interacting with ones that I have not particularly ever liked, is probably good on balance.  It is a good life to be with your people.  If I am not careful I find myself feeling a bit sorry for the people who don't have a home town, or who leave their home town.  - But I suppose the movers feel sorry for me too.

I couldn't foresee living anywhere else unless, perhaps, the town suddenly started growing and turning into something it wasn't before.   That happened to my father-in-law's home town about 40 miles away.  It is hard to see how such growth amounts to "progress."

If I did move it would be to a particular small town in Wisconsin.  But I would want to take all the people here with me.

I grew up in a town slightly larger but with the same feel, that down went from a sleepy little town to a gate way town for boston with million dollar homes everywhere. As far as I know I was 4th generation to live there. I have since moved a few minutes south. But still remember my childhood hunting the farms, orchards and sandpits fondly and see the sadness in my fathers eye when he talks about how it used to be. I live where i'm at now because of work and family. I have a amazing job at a local fire department 10 minutes from my house and my in laws are only 20 mins away and unbelievably helpful. With two young boys and a third child due in August I sometimes think of finding a new place that gives me the feel I had when i was a kid. Idaho, Montana and Wyoming have always intrigued me!!!!!

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tclprin

Kind of a late reply because I do not check in enough lately.

Grew up in western MA. College and early work brought me to this coastal community. 40 years later, we feel fortunate to live 3 miles from the beach and bridge (we walk there often ear round), 2 miles from launching ramp and striped bass fishing all summer, and 30 minutes from trout fishing and hunting areas.And my professional network has now landed me some nice retirement jobs to pay for boat gas.

Family keeps us here..my son now living in western MA. We would move south for the winter if possible....

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topdog1961

Well, since we are opening up, maybe some of you are like me, rabid with late winter cabin fever and bored enough to read a stranger’s way to long post. Long but cathartic to write:

My roots are in the deep hollows of Eastern KY, coal country.  I’m the youngest of 5, an “oops” baby of parents that grew up in the great depression.  Coal has been a cyclical business over the decades.  When coal is down things get bad there.  It’s way down now but this time I don’t think it will come back.  When I was a toddler in the early 60s it was down.  My oldest sister had just married and she, her husband, and his parents headed north looking for factory work.  This destined us to become among the hundreds of thousands of transplanted Hillbillies headed for the iron belt, unfortunately now known as the rust belt.  Their radiator blew out in Butler IN, a small town.  In the couple days it took to get a new one my BIL and his father found work in a small factory.  Then the BIL got on at a huge new factory, BF Goodrich in Woodburn IN, a good paying union job, the kind that hardly exists any more, but still does there.  Their kids and grandkids work there now.  They bought a ranch home in a small town on the Ohio side of the state line where they still live.  5 generations gather there now.  

We Hillbillies have big, close families, to close in some Yankee eyes.  We come from Hatfield-McCoy, Big Sandy river country, “blood” still runs deep in those hills.  It did not take long for the rest of our family to follow north looking for work.  Two brothers brought their families; and my mom, dad, high school sister, and I soon followed.  I remember riding north sitting on my mother’s lap with everything we owned in an open top MG, an odd car considering our situation.  How my high school sister got there I don’t remember.  We all settled in the same small town as the oldest sister.  Dad got a job at BFG, became a Buick man, and I started kindergarten.   One brother could not separate his wife from her family in KY so when coal picked up they moved back.  He is now retired and living up a hollow in a nice double wide with his wife and 90s something mother in law.  

I grew up in that small Ohio town with my nieces and nephews, who were more like brothers and sisters.  But we left after my freshman year when dad was medically retired and my parents moved back to KY, apparently they missed it too.  When I graduated from college in KY there were few opportunities in my field in the area.  I wanted back where I grew up and where most of my siblings and nieces and nephews were, NW Ohio.  I took an engineering position a little over an hour away, lived there, but visited the family, now including mom and dad who returned, most weekends.    I must like the job, I’ve been at it 31 years now. I lived the professional bachelors life until 30: partying, skiing, triathlons, chasing lots of women and occasionally catching one.  But I practiced catch and release until I married a divorcee with two early teen kids, bought a home, and we finished rearing them.  On second thought perhaps she reeled me in.  Either way, we’re quite a pair.

After our nest was empty the first time, we started eyeballing my old hometown, to be nearer my family.  It was a long drive from work, 125 miles round trip, but we took the plunge and bought a nice big ranch home on 10 acres overlooking a river in the country.  It was our “dream home” at the time, one of those momentous life changing decisions that don’t seem like that big a deal at the time.  Now 20 years later the house is rapidly showing its age and so am I.   Mom and dad passed.   I’m sick of driving and get more so with each passing year.  Ironically we moved back to my hometown to be near my extended family.  When we were over an hour away our weekend visits were quality time spent together.  Now I live 5 minutes away and we hardly see each other.  

We were then blessed to adopt two siblings at birth, now 13 and 15.  My wife left the workforce to become a full time mother.  My 12 hour workdays turned into many 16-17 hour workdays as I started an underground dog fence side business to keep up with the expense of raising a family on one income.  The 10 acres became a chore to maintain.  When I wasn’t working I devoted all my time to the kids: ball games, dance recitals, band and school activities.  Little time was left over for extended family.  The nieces and nephews had kids and now some of them have kids.  My siblings had grandchildren and even great grandchildren to dolt over.  As decades passed and generations were added our tight knit Hillbilly family drifted apart, we lived in the same small town but had little time for anyone other than our nuclear families. And part of me will always wonder if there are other reasons some of my family never endeared themselves to my children like I expected them to.  You see I have no biological children.  I have two now adult step children and an adopted at birth 15 year old daughter and son, 13.  I can’t help wonder if some of my family, like 150 years ago, take the whole “blood” thing to seriously.  And there’s no racial component like one might suspect from my heritage.  My adopted children are towheads, though we tried unsuccessfully to adopt minority children.

Our social circle has drifted from my family to my children’s friend’s families.  They became who we socialize with and trust to keep each other’s kids when we need help.  Now my oldest brother has passed and I mainly see my sisters at church on Sundays.  We get together on holidays.  I spend more quality time with my brother in KY than my sisters here.  It’s sad and ironic.  I moved and took on a 125 mile commute to be near family but the lack of time caused by the commute, a second job and raising a second family took them away from me.  I’m saddened by this.  My step kids have given us grandchildren but we are missing out on their childhood because they live over an hour away.  I’ve thought about moving back closer to them and my work but will not put my kids through the trauma of changing schools in their teens, as I was forced to do.  We have a good school and social support network, it’s just not family like it was supposed to be.  I hope when our kids move out (and we dread that day) hopefully after graduating college, and I can finally retire, that I will have time to grow close again to my extended family, God willing.  If I don’t, there is really nothing keeping my wife and I here.  But the thought of growing old without family nearby terrifies me.  I have an old friend who retired early and moved across the country with his wife to live sans family in better weather and scenery.  We couldn’t do that.   Maybe our kids will stay nearby, but we won’t hold them back.    

So that’s the long answer to the question “why do I live where I do?”  The short answer- a radiator blew out in 1963.

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