Words to live by....Or drink to...

[walt lister]

"Shut up", he explained.

[mshowman]

I've heard my brother say, "It's a poor set of legs that lets a man's face take a beating."

[walt lister]

It's a poor craftsman that blames his tools.

Dammit, I've cut it off twice and it's still too short!

[Dogwood]

1) Prostitute:  "$300 per half hour."

Jerry Springer: "What's the other 25 minutes for?"

2) Charles Barkley:  "The older he gets the better he was."

3)  My Grandma:  "Grandpa and I are so proud of you kids!  Nobodies out drinkin' too much and nobodies in jail!"  I was just a teen at the time and dismissed her observation with a chuckle; now I appreciate her wisdom.

Then when Gramps turned away she would slip me five bucks.

[OceanRoamer]

"After all is said and done....there's a lot more said than done."

 

"In theory, theory and practice are the same....in practice, they're not."

 

"Yeah, I wish I had two hats like that....one to shit in and another one to cover it up." - My hunting buddy's response when I inquired how he liked my new hat. ?

[Greg Hartman]

Great stuff, gents!

 

My PA Dutch grandmother in thick accent: "Too schoon oldt undt too late schmart."

[charlo slim]

"Never try to tell your grandma how to suck eggs" 

[Ben Hong]

The mayor of Hiroshima on Aug. 6, 1945: What the FVCK was that?

 

Lao Tze who started Taoism: Shit happens!

[MAArcher]

Words to live buy?  My father is a man of few words, an most who know him would agree, somewhat intimidating.  When I was a kid I had a short conversation with him,  just before a first date with a girl, that went like this:

 

My Father: "Son, do you know about the birds and the bee's?"  

Me: "Yes"

My Father: "Where did you learn?"

Me: "Health class and the older kids on the back of the bus I guess."

My Father: "That's good.  Now let me tell you something that your health teacher and the kids on the back of the bus didn't teach you."

Me: "What's that?"

My Father: "If I ever year of you acting less than a gentleman with a woman, I'll whup your ass.  .....Understood?"  

Me: "....Yes sir."

My father: "Good, go have fun and be home on time."

 

He managed to put enough menace in the phrase "whup your ass" that it has stuck with me for all these years.  I don't think he believed at all that i could ever behave otherwise; but he sure managed to make his point that, just in case I had other ideas, there was a zero tolerance policy in place when it came to mistreatment of girls. 

 

 

Another bit of wisdom came from my grandmother, who's 93 this year.  She told me years ago, when I was being a know it all kid, "Sometimes its better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."

 

[Cass]

My grandmother use to always say "shoot for the moon... because even if you fail you'll still land among the stars."

[ccavacini]

" The only dumb question is the unasked question! "

 

Teacher--"Ok, class, open your books to page 64."

Student--"What page are we on?"

 

I've been there.

 

 

[Cass]

My boss always tells me "man who goes to bed with itchy bumhole wakes up with stinky finger".   

[PoodleHunter]

My great uncle: "he who know how will always have a job.  He who knows why will always be the boss."

[walt lister]

"Hold my beer and watch this"---------------

[Treerooster]

Some words I've learned to live by can be found in the middle of the song "The Rose".

 

It's the heart, afraid of breaking that never learns to dance

It's the dream, afraid of waking that never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying that never learns to live