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Cold weather comic relief (Got any dumb jokes?)


Dave Erickson

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This discussion happened years ago with a frat brother and I got completely taken in. He was a deadpan artist:

 

ME: High Gary, how was your Caribbean vacation?

GARY: The weather was terrific! I met this native gal and it was love at first sight. We took long walks along the seashore under the moonlight, drank Pena Coladas in the cabana, danced the night away at the local dive, enjoyed many of the sights together.

ME: What island was it? sounds like THE place to go.

GARY: Dang! I visited so many islands, this was the biggest as I recall...

ME: Jamaica? 

GARY: No, I didn't even kiss her! 

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The past, present, and future walk into a bar

 

 

       It was tense

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Again a repeat:. 

 

Did you hear about the sadist who married the masochist?

 

The masochist said "Hurt me."

 

And the sadist said "No."  

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Short version.  Moth walks into a doctor's office. He tells the doctor he's depressed and recounts all the personal problems he's having.  The doctor tells him, "your problems are psychological, I'm a medical doctor why did you come here?".  The moth responds, "The light was on".

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A game warden doing creel counts noticed that a particular fisherman always got his limit, even when others struggled.  He questions him about his spots and his techniques but the fisherman doesn't offer any information.  After weeks of this the fisherman says, "If you want to see how I do it you'll have to come fishing with me tomorrow".  The next day the fisherman and the warden motor out to a likely spot.  Here the fisherman pulls a stick of dynamite from his tackle box, lights it and drops it in the water.  Once the smoke has cleared he motors around collecting fish with his landing net.  At first stunned, then outraged, the warden launches into an angry tirade about regulations, ethics, safety, etc.  The fisherman lights another stick of dynamite, hands it to the warden and says, "Did you come out here to talk or to to fish?".

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A ventrilloquist had an act with a small dummy. He was in Missouri and started telling jokes making fun of Missourians. After a while a big guy in the audience stands up and says he and the other people don't appreciate being made fun of. The  ventrilloquist starts to apologize. The guy cuts him off and says, "I'm not talking to you, pal. I'm talking to the little guy on your lap."

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There is proof the toothbrush was invented in Missouri. If it was invented anywhere else, it would be called a teethbrush.

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