Rogue Hunter Posted September 20, 2019 How many mosquitos does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two...but I don't know how they get in there. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Big Al Posted September 20, 2019 Past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brad Eden Posted September 20, 2019 Have fun folks, but keep it reasonably clean...please don't forget we have a healthy contingent of women Members..mysoginy doesnt cut it here. Buzzkill Brad. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
frak Posted September 20, 2019 What did the TSA agent say to the buzzard? "Hey, only 2 carrions" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cotton1 Posted September 20, 2019 What did the Dalai Lama say to the hot dog man? "Make me one with everything." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
john mcg Posted September 20, 2019 Tim O`Rourke was walking his English Setter in the country side. He picked up a stick and threw it, the dog went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in a different direction and the dog once again went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in another direction and it landed in a small lake. The dog went down to the water`s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back.Well, Tim was astounded. He couldn`t believe what he had seen and threw stick in the lake again, and the dog once again walked across the water to bring the stick back. As he went into town, he promised that he would show his dog`s wonderful new trick to the first person he came across.Once in town the first person the dog owner came across was the town drunk Declan Dunphy. Tim dragged Declan to the lake to show him what his dog could do. Once again, the dog owner threw the stick into the small lake and the dog went to the water`s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back to it`s owner.Once the drunk saw that, he turned to the dog owner and said; "Why that`s great, mister! But when are you going to teach your dog how to swim?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
john mcg Posted September 20, 2019 Q: What do you call a dog with a great sound system? A: A sub-woofer. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
john mcg Posted September 20, 2019 Q: What do a dog and a phone have in common? A: They both have collar IDs. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
erik meade Posted September 20, 2019 What do you call a rooster staring at lettuce? Chicken sees a salad. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
erik meade Posted September 20, 2019 Why was six afraid of seven? Answer 1: Because seven is a known six offender. Answer 2: Because seven ate nine? Do you know why seven ate nine? Because seven's mom said to eat three squared meals. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sharptail grouse Posted September 20, 2019 Why did the gopher cross the road? To show his girlfriend he had guts. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
erik meade Posted September 20, 2019 Anyone in New York know what happens if you try to do long division on Time's square? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Geoff Roznak Posted September 21, 2019 A heartwarming story... In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University . On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn't the same elephant. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Up North Posted September 21, 2019 Q: Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?A: Because if it had four, it would be chicken sedan. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Millriver Posted September 21, 2019 How do you know toothpaste was invented in Maine? Because if it was invented anywhere else it would be called Teethpaste! Sorry Brad! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
