Jump to content

A lame attempt at humor...


Recommended Posts

Be forewarned! I heard this joke for the first and only time in 1985 from a drunken Aussie at a Houston Crawfish Boil and I never forgot it. Read on but remember, you were warned!

 

The bell ringer at a small country church had passed away weeks before and the old minister, ready to retire himself, was getting mighty tired of pulling the long bell rope to ring the church bell. He finally placed an ad in the local paper for a church bell-ringer. The next day he was awakened by an odd knocking at the front door, as if someone was kicking the door. Upon opening the door he was greeted by a tall slender fellow, quite normal in every way except he had no arms or hands. When the minister inquired what he wanted the man promptly relied that he was there to apply for the bell-ringer job! The minister looked at the man and shaking his head replied “I hate to be unkind but I don’t see how you could ever do the job having no arms or hands”. The man persisted “Oh please kind sir, give me a chance! I’ve wanted to be a bell-ringer my entire life! Please, you must give me a chance!” With that the minister opened the door wider, pointed to the rope hanging down from the bell tower and told him to give it a try. The young man ran to the rope and grabbing it with his teeth he gave a mighty tug… nothing happened! He tugged again and again but still no ringing. Crestfallen he said “Can I climb to the top of the tower and try ringing the bell from there?” With a heavy sigh the minister agreed and off they went on the three story climb to the top of the tower. Once there the young man tried shoving the bell with his foot but couldn’t get it to swing hard enough to ring, seeing the minister frowning he panicked and threw himself face first into the bell. That did it! When the bell began swinging and ringing vigorously he triumphantly turned his battered face to the minister and smiling walked over to him, temporarily forgetting about the swinging bell. BAM! The bell hit him with enough force to knock him clear out of the bell tower after which he fell three stories to his death.

 

By the time the old minister reached the bottom a small crowd had gathered. They looked at the minister and said “What a tragedy! Who is this man?” All the minister could say was “I’m afraid that I never asked his name, but his face rings a bell!”

 

G'day all y'all, tune in tomorrow December 4th for the rest of the joke!

 

Steve

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Go back a few years here  and do a joke search  and read the second part of that joke. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

That’s a groaner. Here’s another that I too remember from long ago.  The reason I remember this joke is that a buddy at work received it in his email, way back when we first got email, I’m guessing late 80s maybe.  He meant to forward it to a couple friends, but instead forwarded it to everyone in the Division, several thousand people in multiple states.  This joke is good to tell on a mutual GOOD NATURED friend:

 

Brad died, but instead of Heaven he went straight to Hell.  When he got there he was third in line to get in.  Lucifer sat the first guy down in front of a big picture window.  The curtain drew back to reveal, in the interest of at least nodding to political correctness, and maybe not getting postholed, let’s say a not overly attractive woman.  The emailed joke went on to describe her in graphic unflattering detail.  Lucifer said “Andy, you have sinned often, so for the rest of eternity you have to sleep with this woman.”  And off they went, Andy’s head hung low.  The second guy sits down, the curtain draws back, and a similar looking woman is revealed, insert similar graphic description.  Lucifer says “Harry, you have sinned often, so for the rest of eternity, you have so sleep with this woman.” Off they walked, Harry’s head hung low.  Now it was Brad’s turn.  He sat down and the curtain was drawn back, to reveal a beautiful woman in a revealing dress.  Lucifer said “Kelly, you have sinned often………..”

 

My buddy got off light, a written warning, a black letter in his HR file.
 

Come to think of it, this joke may have been postholed once already.

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/3/2020 at 7:13 AM, Rockdoc said:

Be forewarned! I heard this joke for the first and only time in 1985 from a drunken Aussie at a Houston Crawfish Boil and I never forgot it. Read on but remember, you were warned!

 

The bell ringer at a small country church had passed away weeks before and the old minister, ready to retire himself, was getting mighty tired of pulling the long bell rope to ring the church bell. He finally placed an ad in the local paper for a church bell-ringer. The next day he was awakened by an odd knocking at the front door, as if someone was kicking the door. Upon opening the door he was greeted by a tall slender fellow, quite normal in every way except he had no arms or hands. When the minister inquired what he wanted the man promptly relied that he was there to apply for the bell-ringer job! The minister looked at the man and shaking his head replied “I hate to be unkind but I don’t see how you could ever do the job having no arms or hands”. The man persisted “Oh please kind sir, give me a chance! I’ve wanted to be a bell-ringer my entire life! Please, you must give me a chance!” With that the minister opened the door wider, pointed to the rope hanging down from the bell tower and told him to give it a try. The young man ran to the rope and grabbing it with his teeth he gave a mighty tug… nothing happened! He tugged again and again but still no ringing. Crestfallen he said “Can I climb to the top of the tower and try ringing the bell from there?” With a heavy sigh the minister agreed and off they went on the three story climb to the top of the tower. Once there the young man tried shoving the bell with his foot but couldn’t get it to swing hard enough to ring, seeing the minister frowning he panicked and threw himself face first into the bell. That did it! When the bell began swinging and ringing vigorously he triumphantly turned his battered face to the minister and smiling walked over to him, temporarily forgetting about the swinging bell. BAM! The bell hit him with enough force to knock him clear out of the bell tower after which he fell three stories to his death.

 

Quote

By the time the old minister reached the bottom a small crowd had gathered. They looked at the minister and said “What a tragedy! Who is this man?” All the minister could say was “I’m afraid that I never asked his name, but his face rings a bell!”

 

G'day all y'all, tune in tomorrow December 4th for the rest of the joke!

 

Steve

It had been a long past few days what with the bell ringer applicant’s unfortunate death and burial and the old minister was tired, but life goes on so it came as a shock to him when he once again heard the strange “knocking” on his front door while he was making his morning coffee. One can only imagine his surprise when he opened the front door only to again be greeted by a tall slender fellow, quite normal in every way except he had no arms or hands. “But…but… YOU’RE DEAD! I buried you myself”. The man at the door smirked and said “No the man you buried was my twin brother, and believe me that loser’s death was no loss to humanity. That loser spent his entire life ruining everything he touched. Our family is embarrassed by his death and they’ve sent me to apply for the job in his place”. The old minister shook his head and said “With no arms or hands I don’t know how you can do any better than your brother”. To which he replied “Our family honor depends on this; you must give me a chance”. “Well since your families honor is at stake then give it a try”. Like his brother the man first tried to grip the bell rope with his teeth to pull it but wasn’t able to get enough motion out of the heavy bell. With that he headed up the bell tower determined to ring the bell at all costs, the minister reluctantly followed. Once in the bell tower he began pushing the heavy bell with his foot but no joy was to be had. Finally, he turned to the minister and said “I have an idea. I used to be a lineman on our local football team and I was darn good!” With that he threw his shoulder into the bell with enough force that the bell began to swing and ring vigorously. With that he turned to the minister and with a smirking smile said “you haven’t seen anything yet!” Only this time when he threw his shoulder into the heavy bell it was on its back swing. Apparently, he had a poor understanding of physics and didn’t realize that by doing so he’d doubled the strength of impact to the point where heavy bell slammed him right out of the tower and three floors to his death!

 

And again, by the time the old minister reached the bottom another small crowd had gathered. They looked at the minister and said “Another tragedy! Who is this man?” All the minister could say was “I’m afraid that once again I didn’t ask his name, all I know is that he’s a dead ringer for the earlier applicant!”

 

Steve

Quote

Sorry about this disjointed post. My old computer was acting up while I was trying to post everything and this is what I ended up with.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I had forgotten that joke, Steve. And now you have to remind me of it and it will take a while to re-forget! 😄

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's funny how some jokes just stay with you.  I heard this one back in the 70s.  Not as lame as Steve's but cute.😀

 

What did one frog say to the other frog?       "Time sure is fun when you're having flies."

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, some jokes just stick with you. Here's one I heard 40+ years ago:

 

A man goes to join the monastery. The Abbot says, 'Welcome brother. You are allowed to say just 2 words every ten years.'

 

The first 10 years go by and the Abbot asks, 'What two words would you like to say, brother?'

 

'Bed hard.'

 

Another 10 years go by and the Abbot asks, 'What two words would you like to say, brother?'

 

'Room cold.'

 

Another 10 years go by and the Abbot asks, 'What two words would you like to say, brother?'

 

'Food bad.'

 

Another 10 years go by and the Abbot asks, 'What two words would you like to say, brother?'

 

'I quit!'

 

The Abbot said, 'I'm not surprised, you've been bitching ever since you got here.' :D 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is one we used to tell the little league team anytime we had a bad inning to lighten the mood.  They knew it was coming, we knew it was coming, and there were 2 kids that still laughed every.....single......time.

A horse walks into a bar.  Bartender says "Why the long face?"

Link to post
Share on other sites

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...